The Adventures of Legolas Greenleaf
by Esteladuial Greenleaf
Summary: Legolas Greenleaf goes on a quest to find his cabbage socks......will 'ee ever find them?!?!? Please read and review! Rated PG-13 for some suggestive instances....
1. ATTACK OF THE JELLYBEANS!

HI EVERYONE!!!!! THIS IS ME, OF COURSE. HERE IS A STORY ABOUT LEGGIE AND HIS ADVENTURES!!!! AND YES, CHICKENS DO NEED TO HAVE AT LEAST 4 ORANGE MOUSTACHES EVERYDAY, SO START FEEDING THEM!!!!!! i had to upload this again, ok? please read and review!!!  
  
DISCLAIMER: SADLY, LEGOLAS DOES NOT BELONG TO ME, HE BELONGS TO THE GREAT MIND OF TOLKIEN. ::SNIFF SNIFF::  
  
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One day, Legolas Greenleaf was walking through Mirkwood looking for some shredded cabbages that he could make into socks. He found one, and took his sewing stuff out of his pocket. He saw that he had everything but one of those thingies that you can use to help you thread the needle with. He backtracked his steps and finally he found it. He sat on a nearby chicken coop and started to thread the needle. After that, it was then that he remembered that he couldn't sew.  
  
"Wonderful, now I need a tailor to sew these cabbages into socks for me," he said. He sighed and put his needle, thread, and shredded cabbage leaves away carefully.  
  
"What the-" a pack of Jelly-Belly jellybeans had opened in front of his eyes. The small but deadly army of jelly beans advanced towards Legolas, their tiny plastic butter knives glinting in the sun. Legolas got his mini bow and arrow set out, especially made for these situations (he had only used them once before, when a swarm of angry cheese curls attacked him). He swiftly killed a strawberry cheesecake, a coconut, a toasted marshmallow, a peanut butter, and buttered popcorn jellybeans in one swift motion [a./n.: die strawberry cheesecake, coconut, toasted marshmallow, peanut butter, toasted marshmallow, and buttered popcorn jellybeans!!!!!!!]. The others, now enraged that so many among their number had been killed, had clucked loudly. After that, a rumbling noise sounded, and the ground shook. Then, above the trees, there was a giant jellybean. It parted the trees in its path and it came towards Legolas. Alarmed, Legolas started to run away from the overgrown candy. The jellybean was only a few yards away, and Legolas was not going to make it back to his home in Mirkwood. It was the other way, after all. He went into a nearby cave made out of used computer parts.  
  
"It is somewhat dark," he said to himself. He broke some of the glowing kryptonite off of the cave walls and put them in his Tupperware container. The jellybean would not be able to follow him in here. But in a way, he was wrong. At the moment, the little jellybeans had hitched a ride on the larger jellybean. When Legolas had stopped in the cave, the jellybeans all hopped off and attempted to hack the cave into little pieces with their little knives. In the dark, Legolas bumped into something.  
  
"Ow!! Legolas, is that you?" said a familiar voice.  
  
"Yes, it is me," said Legolas, "but who are you? I cannot tell in the dim light of this kryptonite."  
  
WHO DID LEGGIE BUMP INTO?!?!?!?!?!?! DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!!!! PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!! I NEED AT LEAST 2 REVIEWS TO CONTINUE!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS ALL THE INSANITY FOR TODAY FOLKS………the slurpee sugar is slowly starting to wear off……. 


	2. Legolas Meets Celery Aragorn

Hi everyone!!!! Continuance of my story is here. I actually got 2 reviews!!! Whoo-hoo!!!  
  
This story is dedicated to my reviewers, and my Lord of the Rings action figures (shoutout to Frodo, Legolas, Merry, Pippen, and Moustache the Moria Orc)!!!!!!  
  
For the disclaimer, read chapter 1.  
  
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"Do you not recognize me? It is I, Aragorn!!" said a creaky voice.  
  
"Really? You do not sound like Aragorn," said Legolas suspiciously. At this moment, he realized that he had a lighter with him for some strange reason (probably left by one of the hobbits) in his pocket (his other one). He flicked it on, and saw that it indeed was Aragorn, but not the real one. It was a sculpture of him made out of celery (most likely made by a rabid fan girl)!!!  
  
"Interesting…" said Legolas.  
  
"What?" asked Celery Aragorn.  
  
"Oh….nothing," said Legolas. He turned around and left. Celery Aragorn followed. As he walked past the jellybeans, he took out his bow and arrows. The jellybeans recoiled, as they didn't dare attack anything made out of celery. They all waved their plastic butter knives in the air angrily. But the giant jellybean was not afraid of a car part sculpture. It lunged at Celery Aragorn, but he dodged just in time. The giant jellybean couldn't get up, as it was so heavy, so 5 minutes later, a herd of staplers started to devour it. A painful "moooooooo" was heard coming from the jellybean. Legolas and Celery Aragorn ran away. As they were further and further away, they slowed down their pace.  
  
"Thank you my friend. You chased those horrid jellybeans away!" said Legolas gratefully.  
  
"Yes, well, now I have to go find Arwen. She's made of potatoes. I have to protect my precious Arwen so the potato-eating pencil sharpeners don't eat her," said Celery Aragorn.  
  
"I see….well, I guess I'll be seeing you around sometime or something," said Legolas. He left.  
  
  
  
So, how did you like that chapter??? Tell me in a review, or email me. Flames will be deleted and if you are signed in, then it will stay up and be ridiculed at, also can be used to light Leggie's way in the dark when he needs it. I need at least 3 GOOD reviews to continue this story (YuFei, you don't count, haha. Wait, of course it's not you, it's always "Legolas" or "Frodo" or some other character name). Well, that's all. PEACE!!! 


	3. Chickens and Rabid Fan Girls, Plus the F...

SO…….back again with yet another scary chapter. What will happen now? Read on and find out!!! These chapters get crappier and crappier. ::sigh:: Oh well, I try. And in the previous chapter, please disregard the words "car parts" if they happen to come up. Instead, replace them with "celery." Oh, and I don't care about the "I have to get blah and blah review so I can continue" anymore. It takes too long, and YuFie makes up for most of them. OK, continue. And don't forget to review!!!!!!!  
  
Merry: And she means it too!! ::shudders:: She scares me.  
  
Author: Merry….do not test the limits of the author!!  
  
Merry: ::shudders::  
  
Pippen: Mushrooms!!!  
  
Author: You'd better eat them all before the chickens get them!!  
  
Pippen: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! evil chickens……..  
  
Author: ::chuckles evilly::  
  
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Legolas walked along the small stream when he heard something in the distance. Many sounds of squealing could be heard. Closer and closer. All of a sudden, 1,283 rabid fan girls came charging through the trees. Legolas shouted, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!" and ran as fast as he could. He would rather be attacked by 45 different jellybeans than *fan girls*. Legolas tore through the trees and underbrush, the branches snagging his perfect Elvish hair and clothing. All of a sudden, a pair of chickens [a./n.: not the live ones, the ones that come in the packages in the supermarket] came into view. The smaller one had a tuxedo and top hat on, and the larger one had an elegant evening dress on, complete with high-heeled shoes and a string of pearls. They came up to Legolas.  
  
"BLUCK BLUCK CAW CAW BUCKAW?" asked the smaller chicken.  
  
"Um, sorry, I don't speak chicken," said Legolas rather hastily [a./n.: don't be hasty!!!].  
  
"BUCK BUCK CLUCK CLUCK," said the chicken indignantly. It "looked" at the other chicken disbelievingly and they both macarena-ed away. Legolas continued to run. The fan girls were only a few feet away, and he would be no match for them.  
  
"Legolas!!!! Legolas!!! Why must you run when you know that you need to be with me?!?!?" screamed one of the girls.  
  
"SHUT UP, BIOTCH, Legolas is mine!!!!! We're gonna have 3 kids, and we'll all live happily ever after!!!!!" screamed another.  
  
Must get away, must get away, thought Legolas. He tripped over a stray electrical plug, but quickly got up.  
  
"I NEED HELP!!!!!! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!!" cried Legolas. All of a sudden, the whole Fellowship popped out of thin air, even Boromir.  
  
"Ello, Legolas," said Pippen.  
  
"HieveryoneIcan'treallystoptotalkrightnowbecause1,283rabidfangirlsarechasing meandifwestopnowthentheywillsurelygetme!!!!!!!!!!"said Legolas hastily once again.  
  
"Oh, OK," said Frodo. The reunited Fellowship went to the nearby chicken dance (that's why those chickens were dressed up). Gandalf knew how to speak Chicken and asked them all to help Legolas. The chickens agreed to help Legolas, except the couple that ran across Legolas.  
  
"They say that you offended them," said Gandalf.  
  
"Huh? What did I ever do to them?!?!" exclaimed Legolas.  
  
"BLUCK BLUCKAW BUCK BUCK?" Gandalf asked the chicken.  
  
"BUCBUCBUCKAW!!!!!!! CLUCK CLUCK!!!!!" the chicken erupted in fury.  
  
"You were thinking 'wow, those chickens look really ridiculous in their attire.' At least, that's what he says. Chickens can telepathically read minds, you know," said Gandalf wisely.  
  
"But I was thinking in Common Tongue!!! How could he translate that into Chicken speech?" said Legolas. Gandalf shrugged.  
  
"Oh….well, tell him I'm sorry, and I didn't know," said Legolas.  
  
"BUCKAW," said Gandalf to the chicken. The chicken looked reluctantly at Legolas and crossed its arms. Then it "sighed" and agreed.  
  
"Well, that was certainly interesting," whispered Merry. Gimli, Boromir, Aragorn, Pippen, Frodo, and Sam nodded in agreement. The Company and the army of chickens started to march towards the fan girls. The girls squealed with delightment.  
  
"IT'S LEGOLAS!!!! AND FRODO!!!!!!! AND ARAGORN!!!!!!!!" cried the fan girls.  
  
"Uh oh," said Frodo and Aragorn.  
  
"And it's Sam!!!" screamed a girl. She was the only one to do so. All of the other girls looked at her, and one of them said, "EW!!!!!!! Sam is UGLY!!!!!!" At these words, Sam burst into tears. Frodo patted him on the back.  
  
"LOOK WHAT YOU DID!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU MADE MY SAM CRY!!!!!" said the Sam fan girl, "Poor Sam!!!" She started beating up the fan girl who dissed Sam.  
  
As the rest of the crowd started cheering them, the Fellowship and A.o.C. started to sneak away. They all managed to escape without a single fan girl noticing. They all thanked the chickens, Legolas most of all. The chickens left, forming into a conga line and dancing away.  
  
"Well, that was certainly interesting," said Pippen. They all nodded in agreement.  
  
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So, how was that? lol, if you liked it, press da liddle review button at the bottom of the page, and tell me how you liked it!!! Thanky ya'll!!! I'll post the next chapter as soon as I want to!!!! Haha, I'll try. 


	4. Free Rita's Water Ice

Here again with chapter 4. You know what? Legolas needs those socks pretty soon. I have to make this fic come to an ending *soon*. ::sniff sniff:: Yes, I will miss writing this story soon, but for the mean time.......hehe.....-_~  
  
Disclaimer: since there are more characters, i have to make *another* disclaimer. ok, here we go: all characters of the Fellowship and in the LotR books all belong to Tolkien. All other characters belong to me. Wait, the paperclip and the pickle belong to my friend Brian. I think. I dunno, he was like, blah, and I was like, blah, and we blah-ed, so you know. And Rita's Water Ice belong to themselves.  
  
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"OK, I'm hot and thirsty now," said Legolas.  
  
"Me too," said Pippen.  
  
"Me three," said Aragorn.  
  
"Me -" said Boromir.  
  
"OK, OK, we get the point, we get the point!!" said Gandalf.  
  
"Hey, there's a Rita's Water Ice not too far from here!! We can go there!!!" said Legolas, using his excellent Elvish sight to scope out the Rita's. They all walked along, guided by Legolas and Gandalf. At last, they arrived.  
  
"HEY!!!!!!! I just remembered something!!" exclaimed Frodo.  
  
"And what would that be?" said Gandalf.  
  
"Today is the first day of spring!!!!!! We get free water ice on the first day of spring at Rita's!!!" said Frodo. The others "ooh-ed" and "ahh-ed."  
  
They were all enlightened by the prospect of free water ice. At last, they arrived. There was a large crowd surrounding the windows. Behind one of the windows, a rather harassed looking paperclip was taking orders from the customers. A pickle was scooping out water ice.  
  
"It seems rather crowded," said Sam.  
  
"Well, that's because it's free!! Who would miss the chance of *free* water ice?" said Aragorn. Sam shrugged.  
  
"I suppose you're right," said Sam.  
  
"HEY!! MOVE!!!!" Some of the more violent customers shoved and pushed them. A girl with glasses and who was clutching a package was screaming, "NO!! It's my ring!!!! You can't take it!!!!!!!!!!" to another girl who was trying to take a small ring around her neck.  
  
"Weirdo," said Frodo.  
  
They waited.......and waited......... The crowd grew......and grew....... They amused themselves by watching that strange girl.  
  
"STOP TRYING TO TAKE MY FREAKIN' RING!!!!!!!!", "THEY'RE DENTING MY ACTION FIGURE BOX!!!!!!!!!!!", and "STOP DENTING MY ACTION FIGURE BOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!" frequently came from the girl. The pushing and shoving became more frequent and violent as they neared the window. Finally, it was their turn.  
  
"Uh, hi, can I have a, uh, lemba water ice?" said Legolas to the paper clip.  
  
"Sorry, we don't have, uh, *lemba* flavored water ice, please pick from the list provided at the right, please," said the paper clip.  
  
"Oh....well, I'll have lime then," said Legolas [a./n. lime water ice is the best!!!!!].  
  
"Can I have a chocolate water ice?" said Gandalf.  
  
"Cherry," said Pippen.  
  
"Lemon," said Merry.  
  
"Strawberry," said Aragorn.  
  
"Blueberry," said Boromir.  
  
"Watermelon," said Frodo.  
  
"Root beer," said Sam.  
  
"Raspberry," said Gimli. The pickle worked as hard as it could to fill the nine orders of water ice. Finally, it was finished, and everyone got their water ice.  
  
"Yummy," said Pippen, with traces of cherry water ice all around his mouth.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!! NOOOO!!!!!!! BRAINFREEZE!!!!!" cried Gandalf.  
  
Merry and Pippen chuckled. The image of Gandalf running around with his fingers massaging his temples was enough to make any hobbit laugh.  
  
All of a sudden, a bright red little kiddie wagon drove towards them, powered by angry cheese curls who seemed madly to want to get away. Legolas backed away from them. Celery Aragorn and a figure made of potatoes pulled up in their vehicle.  
  
"Oh, hello Celery Aragorn. And I'm assuming that this is Potato Arwen?" said Legolas.  
  
"Hello Legolas. Yes this is Potato Arwen. Do you like the new ride?" said Celery Aragorn.  
  
"An uncanny resemblance to the real Arwen! And myself!!" said Aragorn.  
  
"Um, sure Celery Aragorn. Do you know where a tailor may be? I need to know because I need to make these cabbages-" he takes out the cabbage leaves, which have all wilted by now, "into socks."  
  
"As a matter of fact, all the tailors have all moved over the sea due to an invasion of evil moustached-turnips in their land. Their crops are all destroyed because of these wicked vermin," said Celery Aragorn.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! I need new socks!!!!! Cabbage socks, since I have socks made of about every single material except cabbages!!!!!!!!" said Legolas. He looked like he was going to have a heart attack.  
  
"Don't worry!! My Potato Arwen here can do miracles with a needle!!! She'll sew your socks for you!!" said Celery Aragorn. Potato Arwen grinned as best as a sculpture made completely out of potatoes can.  
  
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How will the socks turn out after a potato sculpture has been through with them? The crappiest chapter yet....I'm losing my touch. But I had to write this because I got some free water ice and I told my friend that I would write about this. And the girl with the glasses......gee, I wonder who that is.....Anyway, please be kind in your reviews, I know I'm losing my touch, but I'll try to make the next chapter better than this one. well, ~BuH bAi!!!!  
  
"Be kind to your web-footed friends  
  
For that duck may be somebody's mother,  
  
She lives on the edge of a swamp  
  
Where the weather is always damp.  
  
You may think that this is the end,  
  
Well it is but to prove that you're all liars,  
  
We're going to sing it again,  
  
But only this time we will sing a little higher.  
  
[Repeat the song but sing it a bit higher. Continue for as many rounds as you can stand! Last verse is:]  
  
You may think that this is the end....  
  
Well you're right!" 


	5. WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CABBAGE SOCKS!

DUN DUN DUN!!!!! What happens when Potato Arwen sews Leggie's socks? Could this possibly be the last chapter of the story? Read on and find out!!! And don't remember not to review!!!!!! Ha...ha...it's one of those double negative things.....oh never mind. Just continue with the story. And don't remember not to review!!! And don't flame me with crap about how "ok, just to let you know, u're story SUCKS i mean, i cant stand to read it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how can you disgrace legolas' hotness and exquisite abilities by making him try and sew himself CABBAGE LEAF SOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! please, go get u'reself a LIFE" and "WTF you are making a foolish story to poke fun at one of the greatist stories ever told. Get a life and write your own shit. Don't use someone else's story as a basis to make it look like a foolish story." [actual reviews]  
  
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"I might take a while, you know," said Potato Arwen. A sewing machine *magically* popped out of nowhere.  
  
"No, matter, you can take as long as you want, as long as I have a decent pair of cabbage socks," said Legolas. So Potato Arwen started to sew. Legolas, the rest of the Company, and Celery Aragorn started singing, "Be Kind to Your Web-Footed Friends."  
  
"Be kind to your web-footed friends, for that duck maybe somebody's mother, she lives on the edge of the swamp, where the weather is always damp!" they bolted out at the top of their lungs. After a few hours, and singing themselves hoarse, Arwen was done.  
  
"Close your eyes, Legolas," said Potato Arwen. Legolas obeyed.  
  
"OK, now you can open them."  
  
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY PRECIOUS CABBAGE LEAVES???? THE SOCKS LOOK DEFORMED NOW!!" said Legolas. And indeed they were. One of the socks were smaller than the other, and the other was........un-sock-like. Legolas started hyperventilating [a./n. in that oh-so-sexy way that he can, hehe. oh no, i hope i don't start talking like this.]. Everyone laughed at Legolas and his sad, sad looking socks.  
  
"Wonderful, now I need more cabbage leaves to make new socks, since Potato Arwen kind of WRECKED the ones that I previously had," said Legolas. He was absolutely fuming. Potato Arwen chuckled nervously.  
  
"Well, I thought that I could sew pretty well," said Potato Arwen. Legolas glared at her. Legolas turned to Celery Aragorn.  
  
"I thought you said that she could sew!!" Legolas said to him.  
  
"Well, I thought that she could too, but I guess I was wrong," said Celery Aragorn, shrugging. Legolas slapped his forehead in exasperation.  
  
"Do you know how long it took to find the perfect cabbage leaves for my socks? One, whole, entire day!!!" said Legolas.  
  
"Well, don't worry, I think that I have some cabbage leaves!!" said Pippen.  
  
"Oh, do you now?" said Legolas.  
  
"Well, yes, I brought a whole sack of assorted foods, mostly mushrooms, of course, but there are three or four cabbage leaves in there as well," said Pippen. Legolas looked strangely at Pippen. Then he ran up to him and hugged him tightly. Pippen looked uncomfortable.  
  
"Can't breathe......Legolas is trying to.......kill me...." Pippen managed to spit out.  
  
"Oh, sorry," said Legolas, and let him go. Pippen rubbed his ribs.  
  
"Yay!!! I'm going to have cabbage socks made by a *professional* tailor now!!" Yay!!" Legolas said. He started doing a type of Elvish jig. The Fellowship exchanged glances.  
  
"Don't count your chickens before they hatch, Legolas," said Gandalf.  
  
"Oh, yeah. I still have to *find* the tailor." said Legolas. He sighed.  
  
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ha!! I made a plot hole!! My first one!!! I think that, originally, this was going to be the last chapter, but I didn't want to end it yet, and neither did Snitter in Rivendell :-) Thass all, please review (no flames, please)!!!!!! 


	6. KEYBOARDED INSTRUMENTS! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

Hi. I'm sleeping as I'm writing this, don't mind the typos, if any should appear. Back with chapter 6, don't flame me saying crap. flames will be posted in the next chapter and laughed at. Ha. Ha. Ha. I start this at 12:29 AM of March Twenty-Third, Two Thousand and One. OK, enough rambling from a sleep deprived child. Go on. Read. Review. Knock yourself out.  
  
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That night, it was Legolas's turn to watch. There were many dangers in this part of Mirkwood, the Jelly Belly jellybeans, rabid fan girls, potato- eating pencil sharpeners, and staplers being only a small percentage of them. As Legolas was about to doze off, totally unaware of a young stapler creeping into his bag, Frodo walked to him.  
  
"So Legolas, what do you plan to do, now that you know that Arwen doesn't sew, and all the tailors have gone over the sea?" Frodo asked Legolas.  
  
"Well, I'm thinking that I shall go over the sea as well," said Legolas thoughtfully, as thoughtful as a half-asleep elf could possibly be.  
  
"But only for a pair of socks?" said Frodo. He raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Well, yes. I've heard from reliable sources that socks made of cabbage can make the wearer have interesting powers. Such as being able to turn anything into thick woolen sweaters, and maybe even *piano benches*." said Legolas. He shuddered with excitement.  
  
"Oh. I see why you would want some cabbage socks then," said Frodo, half sarcastic, half serious [a./n. is that possible?].  
  
"Hmm..." said Legolas. He was asleep again. Frodo sighed and stayed up for his shift. All of a sudden, a loud noise could be heard. BEEP!!!! BEEP!!! BEEP!!! Alarmed, Frodo woke up Legolas.  
  
"LEGOLAS!!!!!!!! WAKE UP!!" yelled Frodo. He succeeded in waking everyone else but Legolas up.  
  
"What is wrong, Frodo?" asked Aragorn.  
  
"There is a loud noise!!!" said Frodo.  
  
"Coming from where?" said Aragorn.  
  
"I don't know, but I think that it is coming from all around us!!! We're surrounded!!!" said Frodo.  
  
"Draw out your sword, Frodo!!!" said Aragorn. Frodo did so, and when he pulled Sting out, it glowed vivid lime green with some purple stripes. He turned to Aragorn.  
  
"What does this mean, Aragorn? Sting has never glowed these colors before!!" said Frodo. Aragorn gasped.  
  
"They're back!! They're back!!" was all that Aragorn would say. Then, the noise grew even louder. As the first one stepped out of the trees, into the clearing, they all looked upon it with fearful eyes. A piano armed with an alarm clock radio advanced towards them. They all gasped. Then a harpischord with a bottle of Herbal Essences shampoo came next to it. They were all surrounded by keyboard instruments!!!!!  
  
"Legolas, throw your deformed cabbage socks at them!!!" Boromir yelled. Legolas started searching for the cabbage leaves that Potato Arwen had wrecked. He found them, and he started ripping them up and chucking the little pieces at the army of keyboard instruments. They recoiled and started rolling on their wheels back where they came from. The Fellowship all sighed with relief. They had, for now, defeated the keyboarded army.  
  
"I'm tired," said Legolas.  
  
"We're hungry," said the hobbits in unison. Pippen saw the bottle of Herbal Essences that the harpischord left behind. He flipped open the lid, sniffed it, poured some on his hand, and licked it.  
  
"Herbal Essences shampoo tastes pretty good," he said with mouthful of shampoo. Everyone held out their hands so Pippen could squirt some out of the bottle, except Legolas. He was snoring loudly, lying on the ground.  
  
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How was that? Don't ask about the whole shampoo part, even I, the author, do not understand myself. So, please tell me if you like this or not, in your review (I will trust that you will review? Please?). Next chapter will hopefully be more interesting than this one. At this rate, who knows when this story will end?? 


	7. Of Mr Nice, Blue Coloured Retainers, and...

Hi everyone!!! Thanks for good reviews!!!!!!! I am now on the favorite authors list of *5* people!!! wow!! i'm honored!! i like exclamation points!!!!!!! muahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!! after rereading the last chapter, i realized that it didn't make sense. Legolas just kind of *woke up* to throw cabbage leaves at the instruments, like my friend pointed out. But then again, most of my story is kind of nonsensical, so that's ok. anyway, continue with the story. don't forget to review!!!!  
  
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After eating an entire economic-sized bottle of shampoo and some of Pippin's mushrooms, the everyone except Legolas, who didn't eat anything before dropping off to sleep. He stretched, yawned, and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. His stomach started growling.  
  
"What's for breakfast?" said Legolas.  
  
"Well, there *was* some Herbal Essences shampoo. There's some at the bottom of the bottle. Want some?" asked Pippin, holding out the bottle to give to Legolas.  
  
"Um….no thanks. I only use shampoo on my hair," said Legolas.  
  
"Suit yourself," said Pippin. He squirted the rest of the shampoo out of the bottle and slurped it up. Suddenly, a small pink figure wearing a diaper came from the trees. He didn't have any arms or hands.  
  
"Hi!! My name is Mr. Nice!! As you can see, I don't have any arms, or hands, but that doesn't stop me from dancing, does it? Would you like to see me dance?" said Mr. Nice.  
  
"Come again!?" said Merry.  
  
"Hi!! My name is Mr. Nice!! As you can see, I don't have any arms, or hands, but that doesn't stop me from dancing, does it? Would you like to see me dance?" he repeated.  
  
"Dance!" said Pippin. Music started playing from nowhere and Mr. Nice started shaking and "boogying" to and fro. He danced away.  
  
"Wow!! That was fun!! Let's do that again sometime!!" said Aragorn. Suddenly, a toilet plodded towards them.  
  
"Hey!! It's a toilet!!" said Pippin. It coughed up a blue retainer and then started singing the Barney song.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" said the Fellowship simultaneously. Pippin took the empty Herbal Essences bottle and threw it at the toilet, knocking it out.  
  
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lol. I finally updated!! I hope you're all happy…lol. Please please read and review!!!! Go visit Mr. Nice at:  
  
http://www.columbia.edu/~sjt59/mr_nice.swf 


	8. Blang Blang and Legolas Gets Hit On

Hi!! I lost the little FLOPPY DISK with the next few chapters, so I'll have to improvise. ::sigh:: um…I have no idea what was supposed to happen in this chapter, so yeah…..if people remember….well, that's not my problem! er…just read it. Review!!!

R|E|V|I|E|W

"Er…..what do we do now?" asked Merry. They all scratched their heads.

"Well, we could go to Rivendell? I want to visit Arwen!" said Aragorn. 

"Yes, and I want to have tea and bubble baths in Rivendell!" said Pippin.

"Why?" asked Frodo.

"Because!! I heard that if you take a bubble bath in Rivendell, you get some sort of magical powers! You can make cheesecloths out of cheese! And cords! You never know when cheesecloths and cords come in handy…." said Pippin to Frodo. They all headed towards the direction of Rivendell. The now half-conscious toilet was now gurgling softly "Grease Lightning" [a./n. ::screams:: PLASTIC…….WRAP……::shudders::]. 

^_^

(Rivendell)

At Rivendell, they were greeted by Elrond, who just *happened* to know that they were arriving.

"Yo…`sup homes? Ah'd stay and rap wit' ya'll fo' longa, but Ah gotta polish mah blang-blang! An' den Ah gotta rap wit' mah posse! Peace!" said Elrond. He gestured to his huge chain on his neck and went off. The Fellowship made a face similar to this: o.O. They decided to see if there was anything else a bit off about Rivendell, and noticed that Elrond had replaced his rather nice looking house for a huge mansion complete with a swimming pool, and had replaced some of the horses with Mercedes Benz's. Aragorn found Arwen sitting under a tree on a bench, which *surprisingly* was made of some of Elrond's melted "blang-blang." Next to Arwen was a rather plump, white chicken. 

"Hello Arwen!" said Aragorn. Arwen stood up and kissed Aragorn. Then Aragorn turned to the Fellowship.

"You don't mind if I want to spend some *alone* time with Arwen, do you? There are certain *things* we want to *do*. The Fellowship then made a face much like this: O_O.

"Oh, ok, Aragorn, you *do* whatever you want to *do*," said Legolas.

"I don't get it. Does Aragorn want to play Twister with Arwen?" asked Pippin cutely, blinking. He didn't exactly *understand*.

"Er…yes, Pippin. We are going to play Twister," said Aragorn, biting his lip. Arwen smiled at him, and giggled. She ruffled Pippin's hair, and she and Aragorn went off to "play Twister." 

"Potato Arwen, would you like to "play Twister"?" asked Celery Aragorn. Potato Arwen giggled, and took Celery Aragorn's hand and they ran off.

"I'm going to go off to visit Bilbo," said Frodo.

"I'm coming with you!" said Sam. They ran to Bilbo's dwelling. The chicken that was sitting next to Arwen hopped off the bench. It flew into Legolas's arms.

"HI LEGOLAS!! I'M JOANNA THE CHICKEN! I THINK YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY,  TOTALLY, COMPLETELY, UTTERLY, ULTIMATELY *GORGEOUS*!!" said the chicken.

"Er….that's nice Joanna…but, I….don't really *like* chickens…." said Legolas. 

"Well, if that's the way you feel about me fine! Or are you just playing hard to get? I like guys that play hard to get…" said Joanna.

"No! I'm not playing hard to get, I genuinely do not like chickens!" said Legolas. Joanna ruffled her feathers. 

"HUMPH! Fine! Be that way, Legolas Greenleaf. I'll go stalk Frodo and Aragorn then!" she stomped off, kicking dust at Legolas's boots.

"Well, that's really nice," said Legolas, brushing off the dirt.

Um….i think that's what happened in chapter 8. you never know. Lol. Please review!!!!!


	9. Afternoon Tea in Rivendell

This is not a particularly funny chapter. ::shrugs:: I tried! I TRIED! ::cries:: please read and review!

"Well, we're alone," said Legolas to Boromir, Gimli, and Gandalf. Merry and Pippin had went and started a tea party.

"Maybe we should join the Halflings?" said Boromir. They agreed, and went and looked for the hobbits. Gimli found them in the kitchen.

"We're looking for tea ingredients and cookies!" said Merry. Gimli helped them find some. Legolas, Boromir, and Gandalf were waiting outside. Merry and Pippin lead them to the tea spot. There, they found a toaster and a mailbox.

"Everyone, we want to meet Toaster the toaster and Mailbox the mailbox. Mailbox and Toaster, meet everyone," said Pippin. Merry started pouring out the tea. They all murmured what they wanted with their tea.

"Bdoasidigiasdl," said the Mailbox.

"Sorry, they don't have any biscottis," said Merry.

"I wish everyone else was here," said Gimli.

"Yes, but the vegetable couple would probably be *doing* stuff right under our noses, and we wouldn't know. As for Aragorn and Arwen, well, they need some well deserved happy," said Gandalf. They all shuddered, while Pippin was blinking cutely, not understanding a word.

"What's wrong with playing Twister under our noses? I want to play Twister!" said Pippin.

"Um…Pippin? You don't have anyone to "play Twister" with," Merry pointed out.

"Well….I could find someone! I bet that every Elf in Rivendell would want to play Twister with me!" said Pippin. Legolas, Gimli, Gandalf, Boromir, Merry, Toaster and Mailbox: O_O

"Um….maybe, Pip, maybe," said Boromir. They sipped their tea quietly, with Pippin muttering things about Twister quietly to himself occasionally.

:D um…..yez…..please review!


	10. Joanna the Fellowship Stalker Finds Frod...

Hi. Trying desperately to remember chapter 9! It's probably not as good as the original, but what can you expect? ::sigh:: LISTENING TO AVRIL LAVIGNE!! She's awesome!!!! ::giggles:: I painted little black ties on my fingernails!! ::giggles insanely:: and………WHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! **Please go read stuff by Orlijah and me, at the account name Estelijah. PLEASE!!!!! **^_^ Please read and review!

(at Bilbo's….dwelling?)

Frodo walked up to Bilbo's door, Sam following behind him. He knocked, and Bilbo opened the door.

"Why, hullo Frodo. Sam," he said, letting them in. 

"Hello cousin Bilbo. How are you?" said Frodo.

"I'm fine, I'm fine," he said. They proceeded to talk about the weather, politics, and cement mixers, until there was a knock on the door. Frodo went to open it, Sam behind him, holding one of his pans just in case. Outside was a chicken, and she quickly flew inside.

"Bilbo!" said Joanna.

"Joanna! What are you doing here?" said Bilbo.

"I heard that Frodo was here. I wanted to see how hot he was for myself," said Joanna nonchalantly.

"Oh, alright. Well, I'm going off, I'll leave you all here to talk amongst yourselves," said Bilbo. Frodo's eyes widened, pleading silently for Bilbo not to leave him and Sam alone with this insane chicken. Bilbo didn't heed, and he went into another room. The chicken neared Frodo, and flew into his arms.

"Er…What are you doing?" he said.

"I like you. I think you're hot. Marry me Frodo," said Joanna.

"Er…." said Frodo. He was surprised, and dropped her.

"Ow! Wha'd you do that for?" she said indignantly.

"I don't want to marry you, Joanna," said Frodo.

"HUMPH! Fine! Be that way, Frodo Baggins!" she said angrily. She left Bilbo's house, and slammed the door. Frodo looked at Sam, who shrugged. 

"Obsessive," said Sam.

"Yes, I think you're right Sam," said Frodo.

^_^ I'm weird. I love this story! Haha. Please review! Nobody reads this anymore because it's too long!!!! ::cries:: AVRIL LAVIGNE!!!!!! Please review!!!!


	11. Bubblebaths

Ello…Today is the Chinese New Year!!! More of an AzN New Year, since all AzN people celebrate it, or so I would think. Yes, I am AzN!!!! YAY!! Unfortunately, I get no money, because we are not AzN enough…..::sniffle:: Anyway…..yeah……I am no longer into Avril Lavigne……anyway, please read and review!

Legolas, Boromir, Gimli, Gandalf, Merry, and Pippin soon tired of their tea drinking. Therefore, they decided to take bubble baths. As the got to the bubble bath….area, they heard some **unearthly** noises coming from behind one of the partitions. They (besides Pippin, of course, still naïve to all of this) all made a face similar to O_O and guessed that it was Aragorn and Arwen or their vegetable counterparts. They decided to leave them to "play Twister". 

"I'd like to play Twister with them…" said Pippin, still oblivious to the meaning. 

"Hrm…I don't think so, Pip," said Merry. They each took to their own tub, and Legolas chose one in a rather secluded area near some bushes. He stripped down [A/N: ::giggles insanely:: GET DOWN YOU RABID FAN GIRLIES!! ::tazes Random Rabid Legolas Fan Girls Numbers 2, 56, and 1,382::] and slid into the tub. Just as he started to relax, a rustle came from the bushes…

Quite short, eh? Well, anyway, please read and review, and I shall update for you…


	12. Bloody Fan Girls

::GLOMP:: I am sorry I have seemingly abandoned you, but you know I loves you ^_^ BWAAAAH! I must watch my anime ;_; It's so sad. ANIME! EEEEEEEEEEEE! 

**Schizo Elf Chick**: What kinda music do I like now? SKA! ^_^ Wo0t! Some bands are Rx Bandits, Almighty Me, Suburban Legends, Reel Big Fish, etc. ^_^

[Does everyone know what ska is? If you do not, you make me sad ;_;]

Now, everyone, read and review?

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Legolas was instantly alarmed and scrambled hurriedly for his towel. 

"Who's there?!" he said, fumbling to wrap the towel around his waist. Suddenly, a horde of insane girls with cameras jumped out and proceeded to squeal crazily. Flashes went off, and Legolas found himself struggling to keep the towel planted firmly on him. 

"I WANT LEGO-CHAN'S HAIR!!" screamed one.

"I WANT HIS **BODY**!!" another yelled ecstatically, an active participant in the attempts of the ripping off of Legolas's towel.

Upon hearing this, Legolas was thoroughly disturbed. _Bloody fangirls_, he thought. At this point, he was regretting having chosen the tub farthest away from the others.

"…GET AWAY, YOU SKANK! LEGGY IS MINE!!"

"NO HE'S NOT! HE'S MINE, WENCH! WE'RE GONNA GET MARRIED AND HAVE 10987548751846 KIDS, AND WE'RE GONNA MOVE BACK TO MIRKWOOD WHERE WE'RE GONNA ENGAGE IN MORE MAD SEX!"

The quarelling fan girls were now too engaged in duffing each other up to notice Legolas dashing away. After about 20 minutes, however, they realized that he was no longer there, and proceeded to cry profusely. After about half an hour of that, they decided to go find him.

Poor Legolas, while tearing to safety, had tripped over a stray sheep. One of the more negligent Elves had left it there to be blissfully unaware of its inevitable doom. Legolas lay unconscious on the ground, with the insane fan girls on his tail...

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Yet again, short. ::sniff:: It's so sad. I'm sorry. Reviews, please? They are nice. Like fluffy nougat on rich, milk chocolate...


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